I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
