nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
