Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize