You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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