He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
