I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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