he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
