WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
im holly from the hills drunk
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
