Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
