i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
