you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
