If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
