This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
