Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize