Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
