I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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