I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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