I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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