I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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