On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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