but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
