All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I just cut my nipple shaving
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
