In the future we'll all be gay
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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