Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
