I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
