yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
