Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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