Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
