He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
