i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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