It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize