a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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