i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
