Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
