You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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