By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
