I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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