I just threw up on my dentist
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize