Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
