I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
