guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
