one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
