i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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