this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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