nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
