I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So much rum. So many feels.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
