I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
