yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Randomize
