Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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