No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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