I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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