Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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