i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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