i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
