i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
where does the pee come out of this thing
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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