The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
