I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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