She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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