i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
