yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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