how can u be prego again
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Randomize
