Say something about gay babies.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
