I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
