I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
