did you get engaged???
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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