Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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